This afternoon, I took part in a weekly tele-conference with some colleagues, where we quickly turned our conversation and heads toward everyone’s favorite topic: the upcoming Sex and the City movie.

It’s not just limited to the this group. Everyone, everywhere is obsessed. Last night, I went to a Yelp party, it was all we chatted about. Later, over sushi, the conversation continued. Friends are planning viewing parties and marathon nights of Magnolia and cosmos.

The culture of SATC though is something that reaches far beyond a film or a bag trend…we can’t ignore how the show has pretty much redefined dating as we know it. (Well, I especially can’t ignore, I am a sex editor, after all.)

The romantic collaborations and interventions that unfolded as the four Sex and the City gals hashed out their love lives over cosmos and brunch gave way to a new approach to dating for single women everywhere.

As this cultural milestone jumps from the small screen to the silver screen (movie premieres: May 30), we have to look back on how the show, and now the movie, I’m sure, changed the lexicon of love and dating.

“Sex and the City,” along with the introduction of dating reality shows like ABC’s “The Bachelor,” socialized dating. Suddenly everyone was talking about the dating choices others make, and learning vicariously through them. Was it OK to break up via post-it note? How young of a man can a somewhat older woman get away with dating? Who was really right for someone, and by what criteria? Dating choices became mainstream conversations in the workplace, at dinner parties and even among family members. Believe it or not, the word wasn’t always like that! This show didn’t just change how we dress and what we drink at bars, but how we live.

Interestingly, the Sex and the City social phenomena gave way to different types of online dating, as well. For instance, social dating communities exist where singles invite their friends to help them make romantic connections. They do this through dating suggestions, voting on possible dates, post-date debriefing and setting up introductions for each other. Also, coupled friends socialize among the singles, to match up their friends, who are looking for love. The idea of “social dating” is a much more “Sex and the City” approach, compared to traditional online dating, which is decidedly not social.

Something to think about as you embark on your weeks of SATC countdown: This is more than a movie premiere. It’s a culmination of the institution that changed everything.

When you are on a first (or any early) date with a guy, if you are a girl, you just may be feeling self-conscious about what you are eating. But relax! Check these tips I found in an Village article on dieting while dating.

Dieting on a Date

Sure, he’s cute alright, but is a night out with him worth the diet detour? Don’t worry; you can find love and still lose those love handles by following a few, simple guidelines:

1. Relax. By exercising and eating healthy 80-90% of the time, you’ve earned a little room to splurge. It’s all about balance.

2. Don’t starve yourself before the big date—you’ll do more harm than good.

3. When it comes to ordering dinner, look for a good balance between protein, vegetables and starchy carbohydrates.

4. Mind the booze. Don’t let being anxious over Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome make you forget about your slim and trim summer wardrobe!

How brave new world is this?

Apparently, there is a new entrant to the online dating scene - IntelligentPeople.com is a new online dating and networking community that gives intelligent people an opportunity to meet and form relationships, regardless of location, education and social status.

Note, the site gets to decide who they feel is intelligent!

Membership is intended for people with an IQ app. in the top 15% of the population. In comparison, you must have an IQ in the top 2% of the population to become a member of Mensa. People with an IQ in the top 15%, are said to be “highly intelligent”.

The concept behind this is highly intelligent people communicate and interact best with other intelligent people. IntelligentPeople.com was created on the basis of that fact. I’m not sure how I feel about this - it’s clearly a form of prejudice. What do you all think?

How do I become a member?
To become a member of IntelligentPeople.com, you will have to pass our IQ test required for admission. You may take the IQ test by pressing the join link at the front page. At the sign-up page, you must enter your name and email address. Following sign up, you will automatically receive an activation code in your inbox, and be able to start the IQ test. Please note that you can only sign up to take the test twice and only use each activation code once. This ensures that only people, who actually can pass the IQ test, become members of IntelligentPeople.com.

I’m planning to move to a new apartment next week, and I found myself thinking a few times…”If I had a boyfriend, he could help…”

I wonder what this inkling comes from. Do we want to have a mate so they will do something for us? Or is it a matter of the support that comes with companionship? Because I’d love to have someone to help to move as well.

Relationships seem to in many ways define our lives, but also are defined by our lives…and it seems that every time a big life change happens, it makes what our lives lack - and what we wish to share - all the more acute.

Well, that, and I could really use some help with that heavy lifting.

The below article was forwarded to me yesterday. It was written by Dr. Mark Rogers, facilitator of Relationship Ready a 3-day workshop designed to help singles date successfully. It raises a lot of good points, and it is something that all of us dating singles out there should take a look at.

After you are done reading, take the “Is Your Picker Broke?” QuickQuiz, and get results sent to your private email immediately:

http://www.assessmentgenerator.com/H/cRmarkrogersphd1173982975.html

The Common Denominator
In a recent Relationship Ready* workshop, an attractive, mid-30ish woman was bemoaning her history of romantic relationships. She recounted a dismal story of partners, one after another, who seemed to be perfect but turned out to have major personality flaws. Those flaws lead to her experiencing disappointment at best, abuse at worst, in a series of painfully miserable relationships, all of which had started out with the delightful euphoria of having finally found the perfect partner.
Eventually the workshop facilitator asked her, “What is the common denominator in all of those relationships?”
Listeners would not have been surprised if she had answered with some diagnosis of an underlying personality disorder in all of her partners. Her description of the relationships she’d experienced showed more than average insight, and she had obviously thought long and hard about what had happened to her. She could easily have named some common thread of dysfunction - fear of commitment, incapacity for developing emotional intimacy, a tendency towards chemical dependency - and none of us who were present would have been surprised. However, what she said shocked us all.
She was quiet for a few long moments, bowed her head, and then with tears welling up in her eyes, looked directly at the facilitator and said, “I think my picker’s broke.”
Your History of Romance
When your history of romance includes more misery than magic, more eventual pain than enduring pleasure, it’s tempting to blame your partners. It’s not that difficult to identify what’s wrong with them after the relationship ends. By that time, you can usually come up with a list of things.
Apparently however, it’s tough to tell up front, early on, during the get-to-know you phase, that a partner is going to be untrustworthy, unavailable, unreliable, uncommunicative. When they are in full-speed ahead dating mode, most partners - male and female - are putting their best feet forward. And then, when the euphoria of new love wells up within the hearts of the newly infatuated, there’s no critical assessment going on at all.
At least, not by the partners who are heady on heart-swelling. Friends and family can know better, and often they will try to dissuade their loved one from pursuing a relationship they are convinced is bad news. To no avail, of course. Opposition from friends and family only throws the new lover into the arms of the beloved, where the couple find the beleaguered relationship even more enticing.
When Your Partner Picker’s Broke
If your Partner Picking Pattern is defective, you know that the euphoric phase of romance is not a good indicator of the eventual course of the relationship.
In fact, your infatuation feelings ought to come with a Surgeon General’s warning: “Intensity and Urgency of Romantic Inclinations has been shown to be dangerous to your emotional health and mental stability. Your heart will thank you if you keep it on a tight leash to keep it from rushing headlong into the briar patch chasing any attractive rabbit that pops up.”
A defective Partner Picker won’t ring warning bells when the object of your affections displays symptoms, indicators of future problems that your friends and family can plainly see coming. If you would listen to those who love you, they could and would tell you when you’re making a bad mistake. But part of a deficient Partner Picker syndrome is becoming deaf and blind. Deaf to your friends, blind to your partner’s flaws.
If your Partner Picker’s broke, you find yourself falling blindly in love with folks you should be watching very carefully. It doesn’t feel like blindness when it’s happening, it feels like visionary clarity. But that’s just the euphoria affecting your emotional eyesight.
When your Partner Picker’s broke, you know you’ve made a mistake later on, much too later on, after the relationship has sunk some roots down into your life and heart. That’s why romance becomes such a pain-filled endeavor. You keep having to uproot relationships from the most intimate parts of who you are.
Common Conclusions
When your Partner Picker’s broke, you can look back over your history of romance and come to these common conclusions:

* I get into relationships too soon or too suddenly, as if there were powerful magnets at work.

* I don’t see - even deliberately ignore - signs that I should pay attention to, signals that the relationship is seriously flawed.

* I pick partners who have some common threads of dysfunction. There’s a pattern in my picking, and it’s not pretty.

* I don’t do it on purpose. I even try really hard not to pick partners who are bad for me. (I’m not that sick, really.) But it happens anyway.

* I’m not that attracted to partners who are good for me. There’s chemistry only with the ones who are bad for me. (Am I that sick, really?)

Bad News and Good News
If your Partner Picking Pattern is defective, there’s bad news and good news.
The bad news is that the dynamics that lead to picking bad partners run deep and don’t go away by themselves. You aren’t likely to be able to consciously affect them successfully, without doing some major work on yourself. Trying harder won’t work. Neither will feeling really bad after a relationship ends. Pain may be highly motivating, but it’s not particularly instructive in this regard.
The good news?
You can do the work on yourself. It’s really not about your partners, although it certainly looks that way. You can identify the pattern of your romantic radar and then you can retune it. That way, you won’t be attracted to or attract those partners who are bad for you. Your radar won’t ping on them, and it won’t send out a signal for them to follow to you.
The work that you need to do on yourself is maybe obvious to others, but it might not be to you. Or if it is obvious to you, you might not know how to do it. Or if you know how to do it, it feels enormously difficult to accomplish. Not just pedaling up a steep hill, it feels like climbing Mt. Everest. It’s hard work, always, and you can’t do it by yourself, hardly ever, but it IS doable. It’s only hard, not impossible. And the tasks are straightforward, if difficult.
Repairing Your Romantic Radar
To repair a broken Partner Picker - and retune your romantic radar - you need to accomplish three things:

* Identify what your dynamics (not your deliberate intentions, your underlying dynamics) are looking for.

* Reframe that search, changing it from “Finding the perfect partner” to “Fully growing myself up emotionally.”

* Begin maturing your insides, the part(s) of you that are trying to solve by partnering what can only be fulfilled by becoming an emotional adult.

If the second and the third points sound strange to you, then you are normal. Most folks don’t know - even in this highly psychologized culture - about the connections between romance and emotional development.
That connection and the steps you can take to retune your romantic radar are the central themes of Relationship Ready, Pathways’ enormously successful experience-based training for singles. If you have had enough of picking partners who turn out to be bad for you, if you have collected a critical mass of misery in romance, or if you have had your fill of friends and family doing relationship interventions on you, you deserve what you can get from Relationship Ready.

This is so frightening. Many of us wonder if we will ever marry that someone special…but perhaps the question is, are we likely to meet that person (or any), at all???

The following are the results of a recent survey by online-dating service Chemistry.com:

• 63% of single adults think that a long-term committed relationship is important for a happy and fulfilling life, a larger proportion than those who value marriage.
• 50% of U.S. adults have a different opinion of marriage than their parents.
• 58% of U.S. adults think couples who live together in a committed relationship don’t need to marry as long as they are happy.
• 78% of U.S. adults say the divorce rate in the U.S. is increasing because people get married for the wrong reasons.
• 76% of single adults disagree that marriage is a top priority for them right now.

One of my best friends is in the bridal party of an old friend’s out-of-town wedding this weekend. Sad at the prospect of going to this event unattached, she devoted the last few months to dedicated and thorough online personals browsing, in search of who may one day become her other half.

Well, as she boarded the bus Friday to said-nuptials, her only date was destructive rain and an overpriced gown. (Not an ideal combination.)

I asked Gail Laguna, spokesperson and online dating expert for Spark Networks (JDate.com, AmericanSingles.com, HurryDate.com, ChristianMingle.com, and BlackSingles.com) for some tips on how my gal pal may avoid such a hair-frizzing fate in the future. For all of you online-love-seekers, it’s advice you may want to take note of.

1. Post recent photos. If your photos are more than a year old, they are TOO OLD. With a nice, clear close up and a smile, you’ll ensure the person they meet is the person they saw in your pictures.

2. Make your user name pop. Avoid the question: “What’s with your username?” It doesn’t have to be brilliant, but it should signify some expressive detail about what makes you YOU. Examples: TennisTime, Luv2cook, SalsaDancer.

3. Don’t sell yourself short. You don’t have to summarize your life in one cliché sentence. “I am passionate about music, movies and walks on the beach,” is too generic. The first line of your “About Me” section should be interest-grabbing and unique to YOU.

4. Offer some encouragement. Often Mr. or Ms. Right just needs a little nudge in the right direction. End your essay with an invitation to contact you. The key is to come off approachable, or else your potential matches will be intimidated.

5. Avoid negatives in your profile. Nobody likes a bitter baggage Betty! Keep your profile positive and upbeat to avoid looking like damaged goods.

6. Follow your leads. Go to your inbox and reopen all of your email, E-cards and Flirts, and reconnect with those people that even connected with you only once.

7. Get personal. Send a personalized note to that person who caught your eye to show you really read their profile. It’s so much easier than walking up to a stranger in a bar!

8. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Fact: there are fabulous people with lame profiles and less-than-perfect pictures. By staying open-minded, you will be able to give potential matches the benefit of the doubt. When in doubt, weigh the pros and cons. You don’t want to pass over a diamond in the rough!

9. Cut to the chase, instant message. Connect with someone in real time. Check your hotlist and see who is online or go to the chat room and join the party.

10. Be proactive. Just like a work-out schedule, set aside 20-40 minutes a day to answer emails, fix up your profile, and send emails and E-cards. If you think there’s no time, keep in mind that you would dedicate at least 20-30 minutes a day to a significant other…so carve out that time now!

As for my friend, I still have high hopes for her. Everyone knows the best place to hook up is a wedding!

Not too long ago, I did a piece for SheKnows on the power of pheromones and other physical/chemical attractants in the mating game.

We probably all grew up with dads who had a Playboy stash, or moms who would giggle over television hunks. (Desperate Housewives was coined for a reason!) And we all remember the episode of Friends that called upon the The List of Five — the concept being you’re entitled to come up with a list of five celebrities who, in the unlikely event you were ever able to hook up with them, you would be forgiven (by your significant other) for said hook up.

These threads all come from different fabrics, but they are related to the concept of attraction and fantasy - and I think that’s just fine. Fantasies add excitement to what can be a pretty doldrum routine, and as long as never acted on, are harmless. In fact, I will go as far as to say they are beneficial.

If you have been in a relationship for several years, things while sweet and fun may start to feel a little routine. But when you start developing a crush on someone else, you are instantly reminded of your own sensuality. You have hotter dreams, you get those sudden tingly feelings of anticipation that you know you won’t follow through on, and that makes then even the more naughty and exciting. You know you don’t actually want to be with this person for real. But isn’t it still fun?

Crushes can spice up your fantasy life, which can be just the fuel your relationship needs to get hot (or hotter). Plus, a little window into your own sexiness may make you feel more confident with your mate - which will bode well for your relationship. You’ll smile more, you’ll steam up faster - and as long as it stays an innocent mental exercise and never enters reality - may just be a dose of healthy fuel.

As for “the list” - the list of five freebies - cheating loopholes, if you will - I wonder how many of us actually have such a concept jotted down - and who would actually follow through with it?

According to a new survey from AXE Vice men’s grooming products, many girls may be a whole lot naughtier than they’ll have you believe. To introduce AXE Vice, full of forbidden fruits for a fragrance that turns nice girls naughty, AXE partnered with Impulse Research Corporation to ask 1,044 women, aged 18-30, about their mischievous sides. Impulse also surveyed 200 additional women, aged 18-30, in 10 top U.S. cities to determine the naughtiest cities in the land. The results? Well, read for yourself …NICE GIRLS’ NAUGHTY LITTLE SECRETS

– Almost nine out of 10 women (87 percent) consider themselves to be
nice, but more than eight out of 10 (83 percent) of those same nice
girls admit they also have a naughty side
– Eight out of 10 women (81 percent) admit that they have fantasized
about hooking up with a guy friend
– Almost eight out of 10 women (79 percent) would consider using
handcuffs or a blindfold during an intimate encounter with a guy
– More than half of women (52 percent) have already used handcuffs or a
blindfold during an intimate encounter with a guy
– More than half of the women (51 percent) have hooked up with a guy
they met that same day/night
– More than one-third of the women (35 percent) have gone to a bar
without wearing underwear

GRANDPA’S 80TH BIRTHDAY PARTY?

– When asked about the naughtiest place where they had hooked up with a
guy, women revealed 275 different locations, including: back of an
ambulance, bathroom at Grandpa’s 80th birthday party, chicken factory,
Christmas tree farm, family reunion, laundromat, retirement home,
nun’s car and the Eiffel Tower

TRICK OR TREAT!?

– More than half (55 percent) of women believe Halloween is an excuse
for girls to act or dress naughty
– More than one-third (39 percent) of women have worn a naughty costume
for Halloween

NAUGHTY TOWN, USA

– Looking for the naughtiest girls in the U.S.? You had better hit the
coasts. When asked seven questions to determine their level of
naughtiness, women in Los Angeles and Miami proved to be the
naughtiest, while those in Detroit and Chicago are some of the nicest

Surveyed Cities from Naughtiest to Nicest

1. Los Angeles 5. Phoenix 9. Chicago
2. Miami 6. Houston 10. Detroit
3. New York City 7. Dallas
4. Atlanta 8. Philadelphia

Forbidden Fruit …

– Almost all women (95 percent) would rather endure the pain of a
Brazilian bikini wax than hook up with a guy that smells bad. Ouch!

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are currently 92 million single adults living in the United States. Whether you are suddenly single or you can’t even remember your last date, some of these stats from a recent Engage.com study may shock you. The Engage report, available at http://blog.engage.com/ highlights what it’s really like to be single in 2008, including the emergence of new ways of dating using social media, what to expect from a first date, and how gender impacts attitudes toward love and sex in the single world.

Single state of mind

• o Twenty-two percent of singles can’t remember the last time they went on a date. Another 22 percent went dateless throughout 2007.
• o More than 50 percent of single women surveyed felt a man should pick the venue for a first date and do the driving, but only eight percent felt a man should bring a gift on a first date.
• o Forty-nine percent of women said they never pay for a date
• o Almost one in three singles had a “friend with benefits” in 2007, and 33 percent reported “hooking up” with someone last year.
• o Twenty-eight percent of singles who date online say a married person contacted them on an online dating service or social network for dating purposes.
• o Ten percent of singles admitted dating someone who was married, or in a committed relationship, last year.

· Single and searching for love

• Many singles (68 percent) report they are interested in falling in love and getting married in the next five years. Younger singles (ages 18 – 39) were the most likely to say they were “extremely interested,” while older singles, (age 50 and above) were the most likely to say they were “Not at all interested.”
• Thirty percent of singles are not optimistic they will find the relationship they are seeking this year. Overall, women surveyed were more optimistic than were men.
• o Singles are more likely to think they will meet their future spouse through an introduction from a friend, co-worker, or family member, than through any other means.